How wonderful is your life?

What are some of the most fulfilling memories you have, periods of time, interactions or experiences that completely filled your bucket? Who were you with? What were you doing? What made it so special?

I took a rewind back to an article I wrote in September 2018. I had just competed in the Aspen Ruggerfest and re-connected with a bunch of teammates, many of whom I hadn’t seen for 2 – 3 years. We won the Championship but moreover it had been an amazing opportunity to switch off, take in the incredible scenery in Aspen and enjoy the company of some great people. I remember that weekend as incredibly fulfilling and refreshing, full of magic moments and meaningful connections.

As I fast forward nearly 4 years, I’m looking at the 7 themes I identified back then – and how well do they stand up today, given everything that has happened since. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Inside-out purpose

Well, given what I’ve ended up doing, I’m glad this point came first! I explained purpose back then as discovering what it is that really drives you, warms you up inside, makes you smile, excited and satisfied? I suggested you list out a few things and then ask the toddler’s favorite question: “why” and then again “why”.

If your answer is “coaching”, then why? Because I like supporting people in overcoming challenges. Why? Because I get a buzz when people become their best selves. To which I would now also add a how, so– “how do you uniquely support people and help them overcome challenges -what are the verbs that describe the actions? I inspire, I connect, I challenge, I encourage, I reframe, I believe.

You’ll have your own answers, your own whys and hows. Back then, I noted that:

“I love being a catalyst for solving problems and creating opportunities through human connection – things that bring more value to people’s lives or to their teams or businesses; things which at their core, boost vitality and promote purpose.”

From which I re-ignited my inspiration for Founding PurposeFused. So, here I am, running PurposeFused with an amazing team of passionate professionals committed to people unlocking their potential, through purpose!

And here’s my purpose –

“Create opportunities that inspire people to go-forward as the ultimate version of themselves.”

And my aspirational dream –

“A world full of people with vitality and purpose”

2. Find Balance (or is it as Kevin Roberts pointed out to me, perhaps instead “Create your Blend”)

Being intentional about how you want to show up every day. Designing days with blocks of time for the most important tasks but also infusing some rest and recovery (gym, biking, walking, music, reading, podcast) and Joy Breaks (2 – 3 minute fun, mind-breaks) can make them ideal. These days are a carefully crafted blend between doing and being.

So, what does the week look like? In addition to proactively blocking time for things that enable you to be at your best, contribute the most, add the most value, can you interrogate other things in your calendar? Firstly – are these a priority for the business? Secondly – are you the right person to be involved? If there’s someone better, perhaps you can delegate it. If it’s not a good use of your time, dump it (but in a respectful way) and re-engage in a more efficient way (i.e. read the notes from the meeting and provide input via email or a quick call, rather than listening in for 60 mins, for 5 mins of relevant stuff).

Then, ensure you’ve designed in some recovery and self-care time for the weekend – whatever works for you. With a family, it can be hard to prioritize yourself but by planning ahead, you should be able to get some magic moments to rejuvenate and recharge!

3. Appreciate what you have

We’re all human and none of us are perfect. It is often too easy to focus on what we don’t have, what we can’t do, why we’re not fulfilled. However, being intentional about noticing and appreciating what we do have is perhaps one of the most simple but powerful things we can do every day to live a more fulfilling life. The neuroscience on this is quite overwhelming, so if there’s one thing you do every day – look for what you have and appreciate it. As I’ve said before, just writing down three things you are grateful for every morning and evening is a great way to sandwich the day. This simple activity has been proven time and time over again to improve happiness and wellbeing. Or consider a 2 minute mindfulness & gratitude break during the day which can really re-energize and re-focus you between activities, on one of those back to back days.

It’s similar to the coaching approach we used to have with the kids at Play Rugby USA – we called it “catch the positive” – as a coach (parent, leader, insert noun) and you’re intentionally seeking the positives, you see them. You can then acknowledge them, appreciate them, celebrate them.

4. Make meaningful contributions

Meaning relates to your purpose, beliefs and principles, and to those of your company or profession (which hopefully align with your own). Contributing towards things you care about to bring about positive change is hugely rewarding. If you’re lucky, this contribution will be the work you do every day but it could also be supporting friends, family members, or causes you care about. Contribute however you feel you can offer the most value. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs the original top of the pyramid – self-actualization – which is very much supported by gratitude, was topped off by transcendence. Meaningful contribution in life is the largest factor to achieve transcendence.

There are two parts to contribution – the what, and the how.

What-

The reality is, we all have a ton to get done every week, so sometimes we may feel our contribution is diluted, or spread too thin. So, wherever possible what you do and how you choose to spend your time should be grounded in your purpose and to where you can contribute at your best. We have our clients log their activities for a week. They give them a score of 1 – 10 based upon how meaningful each activity was in relation to their purpose. Our “ideal activities” would score an 8 – 10. Also, note it’s realistic some activities will be 5s and 6s (or even lower). The key here, is whether they connect to something else that’s an 8 – 10 (for the business and for you)? If so, great – keep doing them – we call those “Hill Sprints” – they may not be fun, but they get you somewhere better. If not, question whether you should be doing them.

How-

What type of contribution fills you with energy and enthusiasm? We use The GC Index framework for this which includes 5 proclivities (contribution styles / strengths) based upon your natural energy & enthusiasm for showing up in a particular way. The beauty is in their simplicity and how they compliment the business cycle. These include:

• “Game Changers” – who transform the future, blue sky thinking driven around possibility;
• “Strategists” – who map the future, make sense of ideas, provide context and structure towards commercial objectives;
• “Implementors” – who build the future, getting tasks done on the way to set goals;
• “Polishers” – who create a future to be proud of, they’re all about continuous improvement and benchmarking to excellence;
• “Play Makers” – orchestrate the future, pulling the right people together to collaborate and getting the best out of them together.

We each of course all have elements of all of these, some of us being balanced across the board, others of us having a couple of dominant contribution styles. What proclivities do you feel reflect you best?

5. Experience Flow Moments

In Drive, the Daniel Pink refers to motivation being the combination of autonomy, mastery and purpose. Flow experiences combine these three components. Rewinding back to 2018, I used my rugby experience to describe some of the characteristics of flow, which is the most helpful piece to appreciate. What activities activate some of these for you?

For me, Rugby provides the perfect balance of challenge vs skills, in a fast paced and dynamic and continuously moving environment; the necessity for complete concentration and opportunity for immediate, peer and performance-based feedback- against our goals – there is nowhere to hide; a You have control over your contribution and are immersed and energized in the experience, to the extent you may loose track of time; you’ve practiced so many times that while it’s still physically challenging, there’s a sense of ease in what you’re doing and why, to the extent that your decision making and behavior in the moment becomes almost instinctual- an extension of yourself.

Later research has shown that a state of flow increases productivity by 500% (learn more here). So, in addition to being a direct performance benefit to a particular activity, dissecting activities with these characteristics helps us understand more about how, when and why we perform at our best, so we can translate it onto other things.

6. Embrace human connection

Back in 2018, I asked a group of Rugby Development Officers in a workshop what drove them, what they cared about and why. Appropriately, every single answer while unique was their own version of improving humanity through the power of human connection: to provide opportunity, fun, choice, skills, knowledge and resources to young people.

For me, human connection has always been a core driver to me being at my best. Back in those prior roles, it was the single biggest factor I appreciated about rugby and has always been the glue to the global rugby community. Now, having subsequently worked with so many coaches, trainers and leaders in business, it nearly always shows us as a core component in people’s purpose statements: “I do X, in this unique way (or the most authentic way to be) in order to Y.” Where, Y is more often than not about positively impacting other people.

7. Learn & Let Go

The challenges I was discussing with team mates back in 2018 were very personal. More broadly, we’ve all subsequently experienced the various challenges of Covid, with other ‘in your 40’s very real life’ changes, including some of my friends and teammates having lost 2 – 3 people very close to us (non-Covid related). These traumatic events provide perspective, along with opportunity.

As with other emotionally draining cycles we all may experience in life, while you’re in the thick of it (whether dealing with grief, loss, overwhelm for example) you have to find the right support team, reflect, process your thoughts (journal, write, whatever works for you) and still focus on being the absolute best version of yourself, no matter how hard it gets.

Having a clear purpose really helps you see the light at the end of the long tunnel, albeit in that moment it seems so far away. Keeping a consistent and clear focus on making good decisions, focusing on all aspects of your own wellbeing and ensuring that you really infuse the 6 components above, into your life every week, enables you to build up your mental resilience bit by bit; to take steps closer towards the end of the tunnel. It’s hard to notice the changes daily, or sometimes even weekly. However, once you look back month-to-month, you can see the progress you are continuing to make.

There is another critical element to progress towards the light and indeed fresh air at the end of the tunnel and to really breath it in deeply once you get through the other end (and from a Covid perspective, this now seems to be appropriate). That is to accept what has been and appreciate how you got here. It is very hard, in the depths of working through the process but nevertheless an incredibly powerful thing to do. You can’t change what has been.

If you’ve had a personal conflict, don’t beat yourself up about the past and don’t carry any grudges or judgement going forward. Do not bury guilt or shame deep down inside by ignoring it and pretending it doesn’t exist. It doesn’t work – it takes up too much emotional bandwidth and eventually something will give. Instead, acknowledge any mistakes you made and apologize, if you haven’t done so already. Likewise, appreciate some of the good things from that relationship and thank the other person for the positives they brought to your shared experience. Then, document any changes you want to make going forward, and let go. I am truly grateful for the relationships I have had. One way or another they have made me a better, stronger, more mindful person.

Would you like for you or your team feel more fulfilled? Please get in touch to learn how we could help.

The original version of this article is here, re-published with permission from me:)